Monday, August 23, 2004

Those Wacky Oblivious Pedestrians

Awhile back, I was in an underground parking garage looking for a spot when I came upon one of those groups of dingdongs who like to walk in the middle of the road while remaining completely oblivious to the line of cars they're blocking behind them.

My strategy, then, was to pull up my car within a few inches of their legs, and match their pace until they saw me and realized what a bunch of oblivious dillholes they are.

The best would be those random occurences when their brains would register, "CAR!" without acknowledging how slow I was going.

There's nothing more satisfying than getting to watch a couple of sorry saps scream and dive out of your way as you cruise by while doing only two miles an hour.

Unfortunately, I eventually had to cease my evil ways as I was sure that if I ever so much as bumped one of those bozos with my car they'd probably sue me. And while I may not be afraid of a lawsuit, I am afraid of the look my wife would give me.

Anyways, the point of all this is my wife reminded me that about a year ago I rolled up behind a group of guys only to have one of them look behind him and turn out to be Donald Faison, Zack Braff's costar on Scrubs.

So, this explains why I never received a reply to my starring question.

Zack, "Hey Donald, did you hear? This guy named Cocles says I stared at him once and now he wants to know why."
Donald, "Cocles!? Oh man, you better watch it, that guy tried to run me over once.
Zack, "Really!?"
Donald, "Well, no. But it sounds better when I say it that way."

On a related side note, one of my buddies who was there the night of the starring incident called to inform me that towards the end of my story, when I was watching Zack out of the corner of my eye, my friend finally began actually waving at Zack, who just kept right on staring.

So, now I really am curious.

These Scrubs guys have it out for me.


Blogger Legolas said...

OMG! I hate those jerks who screw up traffic... Its like they know they have ya. There is nothing you can do, with out being sued. In madison we have all of the UW kids walking around drunk, or just retarded... The worst is during a Badger game. I once had some Frat guy walk out in front of traffic, and take of his shirt revealing a painted chest with the letter A (FOR ASS) screaming go badgers... He was wasted and it was only 11:30..... A.M.!!!

As for the scrub guys.....I think they are coming after you.

Mon Aug 23, 09:06:00 AM PDT  
Blogger filmgoerjuan said...

You obviously have more tolerance than I do. If I were behind the wheel and had a cast member of "Scrubs" in front of me, I think my foot would jam on the accelerator of its own conscious thought required...pure instinct.

Except maybe if it was Sarah Chalke...I'd probably be too preoccupied staring at her ass.

Mon Aug 23, 10:18:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Site Admin said...

If life were like a sitcom I could see the perfect plot for this story. You would be going to Starbucks to pick a cup of coffee for Pixie, but on your way out someone would bump into you from behind, causing you to spill your coffee all over Sarah Chalke and Judy Reyes who coincidentally happened to be sitting at a table near the door. When you arrive home you see there's a call on your answering machine. Turns out it's from your agent, he got some great news, you've been chosen to be the screenwriter for the upcoming movie version of Scrubs. They want you to come by and meet the cast tomorrow morning.

Mon Aug 23, 04:51:00 PM PDT  

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