Tuesday, July 13, 2004

The Unifying Theory of Schwarzenegger

Countless movies have been made since the invention of motion picture film, and there is but one aspect, one theory that binds them all...

The Unifying Theory of Schwarzenegger.

This theory simply states that any film, no matter how bad, would be better with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Yes, Schwarzenegger has made some bad films.... but just imagine how bad they would be without him.

Imagine "Batman & Robin" without Schwarzenegger.
Even "The Rundown" was made slightly better by Schwarzenegger's cameo.

Still don't believe me? Take any film you don't like and replace one of the characters, any one of the characters, with Schwarzenegger.

Presto. Better movie.


Blogger Site Admin said...

If memory serves Patrick Stewart (aka Captain Picard) was on the short list of actors to play Mr. Freeze. Now I think we can all agree he's a better actor than the terminator, but I don't think he's anywhere near as good at being campy. So Batman and Robin would have been a different movie with him in it, we'll never know if it would have been better or not. Ok secretly I wanted to see Picard be the heavy. Yeah I know he was the bad guy in that Mel Gibson movie about conspiracy theories, but he wasn't a deliciously wicked character, as say Hannibal Lechter or maybe Jack as the original Joker.

Tue Jul 13, 04:55:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Legolas said...

I am not buying that... Yes if you take our Arnie in the films he has been in they definitly would be lacking... However, replacing other film actors with him to make it better, not happening... I think it is because arnold usually ends up taking crap movies... Crap movies he is king. As for good movies, well he just doesn't belong.

Arnold is with out a doubt a good action star. He is stiff, and doesn't need any depth. Just a dumb catch line and some ass kicking moves. *side note: his last catch line in T3 was horrible! "talk to the hand" What the F is that!* Arnold is also a good business man, and possibly a Govenor, hopefully he makes the state better like those crap films he has been in.

So my theory arnold is a good buffer. He keeps things in the low middle rang... he can raise a crap movie up, or bring a decent one down(should he ever be in one)

Tue Jul 13, 01:09:00 PM PDT  
Blogger esparvel said...

Well, I don't buy it, let say we get Moulin Rouge, and everybody knows my opinion about such movie (sic).

If you replace Ewan McGregor by Arnold Schwarzenegger, definitely it could be way worse than actually is. Can you imagine a singing duo Nicole Kidman - Arnold Schwarzenegger?. Only thinking about that makes me think of the end of the World or worse things.

Wed Jul 14, 05:54:00 AM PDT  
Blogger Scotty Two-Shots said...

dude, are you kidding? A duet between Arnie and Nicole would be beautiful! I would go see a movie just knowing it had that in it.

Sat Jul 24, 01:07:00 AM PDT  

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